I Thought I Understood

I thought I understood
But I didn't know anything
I wished so hard
For things to be different
But it has not changed anything
And I still can't understand

I know that I love
And that should be enough
To sleep and to feel the rain on my face
Now I can see that I wished
For my love to change other worlds
As I would want them to be

It just may be that the only world
That really needs my love is mine
When love is pure and unselfish
It is transparent and will not block the vision of others
They can see right through to truth
Where love and forgiveness live together

In that deeper universe
That patiently waits to welcome me home
Back into my own world
Seeming so familiar and yet
So brand new again
I just can't understand
What still holds me back

I know that a bright spiritual peace lives there
And yet, I still hold so tightly
To this coattail of suffering
So unwilling to let it go
But I know now that I am being shaken loose
And am reawakening in the process

I know that I feared loosing what I had
But my life stopped breathing so long ago
Crushing pressure from my clutching grip
Has cost me so very much
Everything I thought I wanted has fallen away
Now, I seek to find my rightful seat

In that place that lets me see and know this pain
Just for what it is and not for what it could have been
In a world that smiles deeply with love and compassion
For this new child as he learns a deeper truth
And opens with joy - just like a bud
Unfolding the beauty of its flower

In a new and richer world
Where love is created
Inside every thought
And reborn with every breath